Boundaries are Beautiful

Boundaries are essential in life. We all need them, and yet it seems like so many folks can't seem to keep themselves from overstepping them. From family relationships to work commitments, when people continually push the boundaries, they eventually face the consequences - if we're lucky.

It's time to wise up and recognize when to walk away and stop allowing people to keep pushing the envelope. All too often, people use the same tired excuses for overstepping boundaries. But let's be honest - it's a way of getting away with going beyond what's acceptable while evading accountability. When habitual line-crossing persists, it can lead to resentment and hurt feelings for those affected.

When I was a kid, I recall a racist aunt playing my father's wedding video from his first marriage when we would walk through the door. My mother would roll her eyes and shrug it off, maybe even walk by with a sarcastic comment, but the behavior of relatives like her didn't stop until something drastic happened.

This is where I got my first lesson in boundaries. Both my parents were married before, and knowing both maternal and paternal grandparents, it would be absolutely unthinkable for my maternal grandparents to entertain my mother's ex-husband in any way. They were clear on what's over being over.

However, on the paternal side of Northwestern European immigrants, they had no qualms about interfering in my parents' marriage by digging up and entertaining the ex-wife as though to show my Chamorro mother she wasn't welcome in a white family. Anytime my parents confronted the behavior, an aunt or grandparent would wail as a martyr with a litany of excuses.

The behavior would stop for a while and then resume its regularly scheduled program in due time. It wasn't until boundaries were so far traversed that communication stopped altogether. When it did, even at the age of eight, I could see the difference such microaggressions, abuse, and harassment made in all of our lives after moving to Hawai'i.

We all need boundaries in life. From what I’ve learned as a biracial kid through adulthood is that people can give you a variety of excuses, sugary words, and tears (real or feigned), but nothing tells the truth quite like behavior and actions.

Setting boundaries is an essential element of one's well-being, especially after a traumatic incident. It allows us to rebuild our sense of security and safety in our lives and relationships. Establishing boundaries is important to protect ourselves from further harm while also allowing us to create a safe space for ourselves. When boundaries are overstepped, it can be incredibly difficult to remedy the situation without creating tension or conflict.

When faced with someone who continually disregards our boundaries, it can be helpful to speak up and let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. We should ensure we are clear when communicating our expectations, values, and needs so that they understand where we stand. If they continue to try and overstep these limits after being clearly informed, then it might be necessary to take a step back from the relationship or situation, as it could end up becoming toxic.

It is important to remember that there are always potential consequences for our actions; if someone continues to cross your boundaries without making any effort for change or improvement, then it is likely best for you to remove yourself from the situation to preserve your own well-being and safety. While this may feel uncomfortable or even painful at first, in the end, you will be better off protecting yourself from those who do not respect your limits.

Boundaries help us learn how we want others to treat us, how we want to be treated by ourselves, and they can create healthier communication patterns between individuals. Setting healthy boundaries takes practice but is essential for any successful relationship—both on an interpersonal level and macro level..

Building firm boundaries does not mean becoming closed off or rigid; rather, it means understanding where our personal limits lie so that we can continue living a life full of meaningful connections with others without feeling taken advantage of or disrespected in any way. Boundary setting requires patience, self-awareness, and self-love, which together will protect us from potential harm while helping us maintain healthy relationships with those around us no matter what challenges life throws at us.

In the end, I'd say boundaries are beautiful. They can help protect us from the kind of people and situations that we don't want in our lives. We all have a right to feel safe and respected, so take the time to establish your limits and stick to them—you will be glad you did.